2017 resolution

res·o·lu·tion

ˌrezəˈlo͞oSH(ə)n/

noun

noun: resolution; plural noun: resolutions

1. 1.
   a firm decision to do or not to do something.

 It’s a new year. I’ve been asking people what their new year resolutions are? I can’t recall anyone having anything too specific. I’ve experienced a general resistance to the idea. Here’s my opinion. Based on the definition, I believe people in general just aren’t prone to firm decisions. A firm decision holds one accountable to consequences. If you or I were to make a firm decision to do, or not do something, we would know exactly when we failed to follow through on that firm decision. Say I decide to eat better, which I did new year's morning, but by lunch, I had gone back on that decision and ate an unhealthy amount of spaghetti. I had just gone running so I could justify it a little, but here’s my situation. I’ve been twenty five pounds overweight for the last twenty something years. Being overweight contributed to a poor self image and a bad lower back which caused me to get back surgery when I was 26 and left me inactive and still overweight until I was almost 40. I decided to exercise a few months before my 40th birthday and lost about 25 pounds. I felt great, but having not been active for twenty years I encountered numerous minor injuries, pulls, strains etc. Discouraged, I joined a powerlifting gym and got into lifting. I got stronger and felt even better, but also gained about ten pounds. In 2016 I tore my calf muscle and tore something in my wrist and had to take a few months off. I did physical therapy and just rested things, I also drank wine daily and kind of just ate whatever I wanted. Feeling discouraged, and like “what’s the point?” I’m 43 and no athlete, I’m just your average mid life crisis kinda guy. I gained another ten pounds and woke up Jan 1, 2017 twenty four pounds up from  two years ago. I’m right back where I started almost four years ago. Do I feel like a failure? Yeah, of course. I have failed to keep my resolve to be lighter, healthier and more active. Do I feel like I won’t be able to get back on track? Yes, I do. Do I feel like none of the last few years mattered?  No…I feel like it’s been incredible. I’ve worked out and got stronger than I have ever been before. I have finished 8 Half marathons, one full marathon, I’ve learned how to run, swim, Mountain bike, power lift… I went from 5 pull ups to 25 pull ups unbroken. I’m able to work all day without getting sore or have my back hurt. I can walk on my hands, do double unders, and so many other fitness things I’ve never done before. Are My pants tight? Yes, and I can’t stand to see myself in the mirror. I feel fat. I feel embarrassed, and I feel like I can’t get back to where I was a couple years ago. I only wear stretchy pants. I’m like “nacho Libré”… But, maybe the point isn’t to get back to where I was, but to move forward to where I will be. Could it be that there’s a new place to go to rather? I guess I could take another “before pic” and then cut out carbs, drink a gallon of water a day and measure out my 20 raw almonds for a snack no later than 6:30 pm each night, but is that where I want to be? Maybe there’s a new place to be where I eat what I want and drink the wine I want and run when I want. Could there be a state of mind where what I want coincides with who I am? Where I don’t want to eat as much because I do want to be healthier? Where I go running because I want to find that meditative balance of movement and breathing and seclusion from the busy pace of life. Where I’m just resting my mind as my body finds a rhythm? I don’t want to exercise anymore out of fear of getting fatter. I don’t want to go to the gym because I want to fit into my pants better, or again. I want to go because I feel like it, because It’s good for me and because Im able to.  

So Here’s my “fitness resolution”… I resolve to not have a weight goal, or constantly weigh myself. I resolve to only eat things that I feel good about, and to eat with gratitude. I resolve to exercise as often as I can, and to vary it, so it feels spontaneous and fun. I resolve to accept myself for who I am, which happens to be someone who’s doing the best I can with what I’ve got; always knowing that, ironically, there’s plenty of room to grow… even though my pants are too tight.